As a parent, it is heartbreaking to hear your child has been violently hit or verbally assaulted. Upsetting enough that I even cried as my child calmly recounted his playground incident from Friday. We dealt with some bullying issues when he was in the first grade last year, but nothing that we felt was beyond the semi-normal realm of mean children being mean children. I was totally caught off guard when I realized we had a problem this year.
There had been several incidents here and there over the semester with some of our classmates that I had heard about, but I wasn't overly concerned because of my confidence in our teacher. During our parent teacher conferences I reported to her some of the stories I had been told, mainly to see if what I was hearing was true, and she confirmed they were and assured me that the mischief makers were being punished and so forth.
Fast forward to last week. My son came home daily with new stories of how so-and-so did such-and-such to little Billy and/or Sally. He was always quick to say, "but they didn't mess with me," or "but I didn't get involved" but it seemed like the incidents were increasing in severity. I always asked where the teacher was while these incidences were occurring and he always said that they weren't out there. When I would ask if his classroom teacher knew about it, he would say "Mom, we aren't allowed to tell our teacher anything that happens on the playground because she isn't out there." I told him that I would make a visit to see his principal to make sure that the school was aware that these incidents were happening. I also told him that even if he wasn't involved to always try to get help for kids that are being mistreated, and I really tried to reinforce that God wants us to be kind to one another and help those in trouble. In the moment, that felt like enough.
For several reasons I didn't stop in or call the school last week like I should have done. I figured I would get-around-to-it this week. Little did I know he was going to be shoved down, hit, and kicked several times Friday on the playground. All of which he really hesitated to tell me later that night as I was getting him ready for bed. It was almost as if he was embarrassed, like he had done something wrong. (I forget that he is a man in training, pride is already a factor!) Apparently several were involved: one girl was choked, one girl's hair was pulled, and he and a friend of his were hit and kicked. AGAIN, where were the teachers? Shocking, isn't it? Unannounced to him, I called several of the parents whose children were involved and each of their stories were the same...They had been playing with one another when the bullies came up and started harassing them. Totally uncalled for.
I would never want to embarrass him by telling this story, but after talking to several parents I feel that this story resonates with too many of our children.
As a parent, you simply feel helpless. To some extent, we are helpless. We did all the things we could. I went up to the school. Of course we reported the problem to the teacher and principal, we contacted other parents involved, and we tried to assure our child that just because other kids act a certain way doesn't mean that we should, but the effects of ridicule and violence outlast any trip to the Principal's office I have ever seen. Luckily, our child feels better after having met with our principal, and he shows no sign of fear of these other children. I can, however, see a scary future for these other children involved if immediate intervention isn't implemented. Teaching him to "love his enemies" according to the gospel of Matthew 5:44 and "to pray for them," hasn't been an easy task but we are trying. The mama bear in me wants to give everyone a spanking but seven year olds are getting a little big for a simple slap on the bottom. I'm not convinced that more violence is going to solve these children's issues.
According to www.bullyingstatistics.org, half of all school aged children will experience some form of school bullying. I recommend talking about bullying with your child/children. Our children have to hear us tell them that it is ok to report problems that are occurring at school. It is our job to LISTEN. We are THEIR ADVOCATES and we should protect them WITHOUT APOLOGY. I'm not sure that I care whether or not I upset the principal for repeating "I just want to make sure you understand I feel this is completely unacceptable and has to stop." My only concerns are that children are safe, that they can learn in an environment where they FEEL safe, and that my child knows that I will stand up for him.
My daddy would be proud of me, he always stood up for me. It was something I could count on out of him. :) I hope my children will one day be able to say the same of me. Let me hear from you, is bullying a problem you have faced? How did you deal with it? Much love to each of you.
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